Today started out really brilliant =). Got up, got friends up, TRIED to get them to class but failed. -_-' !. But I still geared up my stuff and made my way to my own class.. Regardless of how tired I still was, I stuck through it.. Looking forward to 12:45 when class would be over.!

Rushed to the caf because I was HUnGRY ! Hadn't eaten all day. Plugged in my headphones and the Smiles began... Music always puts a smile on my face . =) . .. Texted my mom to check up on family and her response was completely different from what I expected.. So right there in the caf, on my way to sit with my friends... I completely lost my appetite... My grandfather had passed away....

All I could reply was 'K'.. What was I supposed to do?.. I didn't know how to feel... I can't even remember HOW I felt.. I just sat down in silence staring at her text... My mother is honestly the WorSt at delivering bad news! UGH ! ='( .... After a moment I really wanted to leave but I didn't feel like I could.. My eyes got hot and they filled up with tears.. I finally told someone what had happened.. and Jazy hugged me.. Couldn't really hold anything back then.. She tried to make me laugh.. and she did. lol. .. =( .. She had just lost her brother the week before.. It just feels like everyone's. .. leaving... I still got up and came to my room.. More crying.. It's so ridiculous..

I feel so.. lifeless right now.. I still remember the last time I saw him. We'd never spoken as much as we did that moment.. And I really enjoyed it. .. I just wish I had more of these moments.. The only photos we have together are those of me as a child.. and for some reason that just doesn't seem like enough..

I want to Break something.. but I know that won't help. I want to know how everyone back home is doing but I honestly don't even feel like speaking... I don't even feel like I can walk back into their house.. I won't be able to deal with it.. But a big part of me wants to go back.. I want to be with everyone.. but I can't...I can't cry with everyone... I can't attend his funeral.. I can't do anything.. I know it will be bad if I don't at least call but I can't muster up anything at all...

And a final exam in two days?? PISSED !!!! ='( ..... I don't want to write it.. I don't want to study... I just want a break.. ='(

I Miss You already Daddy Cyril.... I wish I got to say goodbye... But you're happier now...

We all wish you didn't have to leave us.. and that we had you for so much longer..

Our hearts are broken, our lives have been robbed and torn...

But we'll get through..

Thanks for all the Smiles you brought us.

And I'm glad we were able to make you smile as well..

We know you're watching over us..

We'll never forget you..

We'll Always Love You..

R.I.P...

So anyone who knows me really well knows that one of the professions I most long for is Acting. It's not just a job, it's a work of Art.! And I don't just mean acting on the big screen.. As fun as those are, it's nothing compared to getting up on stage and performing in front of a live crowd!. Everything in that situation is so intense! The pressure, the audience, the NERVES! EveryThing !!

But in the end it's so rewarding!. You get to hear them Laugh, you get to hear them 'Aw', and do I hear a standing ovation? ^_^ .

Why am I so hyped up about this topic right now?? I just saw a play ! And dare I say it was Amaziiinggg. ! Ok, maybe not amazing because the lead actress didn't really appeal to me, although I must admit she deserved the part. Her skills were brilliant, but her eyebrows threw off her facial expression throughout the entire thing.. The sad part is though that I left before it was over. It really was too intense for me. They were acting out Pride and Prejudice. And me being the child who never read any novels knew nothing about it till.. well.. they drew the curtains and began to act. lol. I'm already in love with it though! Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth... the tension between the two of them is so overwhelming.. That's why I had to leave.. I couldn't bare to stay.. I just wanted them to lock lips! You could feel the passion in all their heated arguments. sigh* True love story lol. To me, those are the ones where you can't stand each other and then realize the other person's personality... no matter how long that may take.. You get to see the person for who they really are as the bad turns out to not really be so bad after all, but a simple cover up to protect themselves from the harsh world that we all have to live in... and now I'm ranting lol.

So anyway I left !

I made my way to Ru's and she's apparently in love with the book, and the movie. The actor playing Darcy is apparently quite sexy ! So there's another reason to add ''Seeing Pride and Prejudice'' to my bucket list =) . So I was Extra Squeally after that show. =)

It just added to my day.. Which had QuiTe a few surprises earlier itself !. Got a Call from someone back home ! Lol. Even though it just lasted 10seconds lol. It made me Smile. And the follow up? I would say it was a 45 minute call from my little Shashi who has been Missing in Action for a while ! Apparently she pulled a Neü ! Hmph.! I disapprove ! But at least she got into contact with me so I knew she was ok =). She may proceed until she sees fit! I'm glad that I know she's watching =). She'll be in mind more now ;)

My day's going by extremely quickly.. as did the entire weekend..

So I'm off to get more Psych done. Final this week ! There's so much to be done and so many people to see ! Ohhh the pressure.. !!

Bring it On! heh heh !

That's all the Neü baby.

I do ! =D

And so, I'm trying to become just that.

After days and days of paranoia; constantly checking my email and fighting the urge to go into the Residence Office to find out.. ! I got a response!. We had to come in for group interviews, which wasn't so bad. They gave us situations to handle, and basically observed the way we interacted with one another. It turned out ok.. i think .  :/

After that.. More paranoia. Especially after one of the persons in my group told me they had already received an e-mail asking them to come in for an individual interview. At first I thought she was just messing with me but it turned out to be true.. So I did get a bit depressed.. kept checking my inbox a few times a day after that.. and no luck =( .. Then one day during Chemistry I was a little bored and had my iPod in hand, so I decided to check.. and voila ! I began smiling like an idiot and freaked out a little lol. So I was Excited. ! And then came the Panic. The interview was 2 days after I had gotten that e-mail and I had absolutely NothIng to wear. Guess that's the disadvantage of being slightly tomboyish eh? Formal wear just isn't my thing. And I had exams to study for so there was no way I could have gone shopping. .. .. But friends came to my rescue =) . Finally I have people with the same sizes as me . Even shoe size.! haha.

So off I went .. and I was a bit more of a wreck this time.. just a bit. For my First Interview Ever.. Ever ! ...
It did go smoothly.. but later on the day I thought of responses that were so much better than what I gave.. sigh* but oh well. What's done is done.
After that I went to Walmart tuh do some shopping.. My hair.. My hair.. it's so wretched right now.. Hali's impact on it... Its own post is needed..

I got Gummy worms to cheer myself up. =) And apple sauce.. As they did !. And I braided Ru's hair. lol. Yh. First time I did that too ! lol. And i put beads for her as well. She looked rather pretty I might add lol. I've got a few left in my fridge.. For moments like right now when I don't feel so.. positive about things.. BLEHHHHHH !!!
Let's not go down that way.

That's all the Neü's for Now. =)

Till next time.

I got my Chemistry midterm back the other day... The results? .. Not Pretty. Not pretty at ALL. I was so devastated .. . . I didn't even get the chance to cry because I was so busy studying for my Calculus midterm. I've made it more than clear that it's my weakest subject.. I went through so many papers, did so many questions, and I even got help from the prof. Hopefully it paid off because when I got the exam I understood everything :| I was so Shocked! So i'm hoping, I'm waiting.. I'm PraYing that I did Excellent ! We should be getting our papers back in the next two weeks =) So I'm looking forward to it.

Calculus may be over but the studying still continues ! Biology midterm in 5 days and Psychology in 7. Drugs and Behaviour is the biggest headache thus far !! So much to read and memorize it's ridiculous :| . That's what I get for taking a 3rd year course right? Well I don't think it would've made much difference whether I took it now or later.. Matter of fact I think it's better tha I did it now seeing as I'd just completed the prerequisite in the previous semester.. So everything's still a bit FreSh.. I will admit though that it's a really demanding course.. and since this one has no bonus points, i didnt do as well as I wanted on my assignment, and midterm, and I hadn't haded in the bonus assignment, I just may get a B :| unless I work some serious magic! Memory potion anyone?

Before I forget..

It's that time again when the Residence Department at SMU is searching for potential Resisdence Assistants for the upcoming academic year ! And Neu decided to apply. She needed to. With this high priced tuition, she needed it ! damn. So I applied for my first job, and anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not the one with that much job experience.. Not that much at all.. and it's hard to get a job because employers are ALWAYS looking for someone with experience. But how can we obtain it if you don't give us the chance right? So I had no resume, cover letter, or anything of the sort. So I had some serious life-evaluting to do. My brother got me to scan through 19 years of my life! .. Ok.. more like 10. He made me realize that a lot of the trivial things I had done in and out of school could be used! So together we created a solid two-page resume.. =) Booyah ! And after Two Weeks of anxiety, and constantly checking my e-mail to see whether I got a response or not, something popped up in my inbox ! All I can say is that I'm All SmilesSs. ! .. I haven't been hired.. Yet. We just got invited to have a group interview. After that comes the individual interview and the final decision is made at the end of the semester. And when (yes when. Not because I'm cocky but because I'm hoping ! and being extremely optimistic! I need this job SO badly. And I WANT this job. I'd appreciate it.) I get this, I'll be off to Camp Mush-A-Mush in Augussttttt. !

But that's not all for this summer..!! I'll be working alongside my mom and one of our country's most well-known doctors, in the laboratory. Good practice for a future surgeon! Plus I get to make some money, While spending time with my mother <3 Love her so much. And the experience will be Plus too !

So after taking courses for the first half of the summer I'll be jetting back home to my family, friends, my love, and my job.! And yes, my country toOo with all it's ups and downs. You appreciate home so much more when you don't have the opportunity to be there whenever you want to.

So I just gave you guys a mouthful, a handful, and footful? :S . I dk lol. But this post was LONG ! Sorry !

Hope you enjoyed it though.

Moral? Hard work, determination, perservverance, will get you to your goal, and it will get you what you deserve...
Don't take anything, or anyone, for granted. The future's too unpredictable to let the time you have now go to waste..

During the past two weeks, I also realized that I should not fear asking for help.. If I hadn't I would be so lost when I wrote calculus today.. and If I had, I would have gotten a decent mark in Chemistry.. Lesson learnt right? As for procrastination.. as much as I hate you, I just can't seem to shake you off. . So much to be done, but rest is needed... Things go a lot more smoothly, and we're a lot more efficient when we're rested and relaxed..

So much to keep in mind.. but it's worth it, don't you think?

Make Life worth living..

Neu..