I used to be with someone whom i could be completely stupid with no matter where we were but now I'm with someone who apparently thinks there's a time and place for everything. I can't express myself. I can't be playful. I can't be me! I hate it honestly! Ugh !!! We don't even like the same music. Of all things, it had to be MuSiC. One of the things that I LOVE most of all in this life. We can't even lay there and listen to our favourite songs because what we enjoy are such opposites. The songs that make me feel mellow and content and make my heart melt are the ones he finds irritating. I have no idea HOW! He's the type to listen to R&B, and I like that.. But his old school is nothing like mine at all ! It's so sad... We don't even like to dance to the same music.. Strictly speaking he doesn't like the way I dance. So he suggested we just don't dance with each other.. Wow!



Is there really a point in being a couple if the two of you NEED to TRY to make each other happy? Should you leave when you fight everyday? When you get each other angry all the time over the smallest things? You can't see eye to eye and nothing you do ever seems good enough?


There are times when I invite him to places and he never gives a definite answer. Those times when he shows up there, he spots me but doesn't even come over to say hi. .. And I don't see him until quite a while after he's seen me! He just stays near his friends and I keep feeling like he doesn't want to be around me...

Even compliments are hard to come by.. There are times when I really do try to look special; and anyone who knows me knows I'm a bit of a mess. My hair's always a mess, I always wear jeans, t-shirts, sneakers and shorts. No skirts, tank tops, strapless, NOthing of the sort.. And on those FEW occasions when I'm in a dress and Heels, I don't get anything :/ =[ ... . . I get complimented by everyone else but his matters most to me.. I feel like I'm incapable of having him in awe.. It's so depressing...

But even with my million reasons why he and I shouldn't be together I'm still head over heels in love with him.. I want to be with him. I want to be near him. I love being his, and I love that he's mine.. 

And the fact that I'm away at school makes everything that much harder. The distance takes so much out of you it's unbelievable. He kept saying he was sad and moody because he missed me. Well now that I'm here I'm trying to spend as much time with him as I can but.. he still wants time to himself.. and sometimes I just feel like I just annoy him.. or the things I want him to do are the things he doesn't want to. We can't act stupid together and we can't be playful because ''it's not in his nature''. WHAT??? I'm only here for 3 weeks! After that I'll be gone for at least 4 months! UGH!!!! I'm really frustrated here! I'm a kid at heart. I love being cute and I love being playful. I don't care if people tell me to Grow Up. That's the most annoying thing that anyone's ever told me. I AM mature but that doesn't mean I have to act like a stiff and shrivelled old prune! 

...

Back to the issue...

I really don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this.. Really, I don't.. 

For now I just won't expect anything from him... 

Whatever happens, happens. 

I won't ask for anything and I'll keep my hopes low. 

This is so unlike me... 

I'm always so optimistic.. 

But at least this way I won't be let down.

Neü

Christmas eve started out really positive for me. I got a visit from T and everything =].. which quickly turned a bit... sour. I got upset because I basically had 2% of his attention. He played video games the entire time and I really wasn't happy about that. I got even more upset when he told me that he was leaving soon. I ended up just heading into my room and not really speaking to him. He still came to get me after a while, but only to say that he was leaving. Imagine my enthusiasm.. He did ask me to walk him out, so I did. Even though I was angry, I took his hand and held it. Truth is I don't like being upset with him, no matter what the reason is. After a while, it just doesn't seem worth it. I'm only here for a short time.

It begun to rain and he dashed off. . . Did he really think I was gonna let him walk all the way to the highway and wait for a bus? Hmph. I got my dad and we drove after him. But he'd already disappeared! He's a little ninja.. No exaggeration lol. But I spotted him. I'm a little samurai myself =]. Then off to his house we went.

Later on that night I was supposed to go to a party and meet up with all my friends. At the last minute, so many of them couldn't make it ! Imagine how upset I was =[. I really just wanted to stay home after that.. But then I went to the kitchen and the ham was cooked! Lol. :$ I took a slice and well, I was content lol. I got ready and by midnight I was on my way!




The party was worth the trouble =]. I got to see a lot of people, and the friends that made it, got me smiling. I Love my Friends.

The party ended so abruptly ! [At 2pm]. It was hilarious lol. Shameful, but hilarious. Those two hours were amazing. T finally showed up just as everything had ended. He's got some timing! I didn't mind though. Was glad that I got to see him on Christmas morning.. But then, he took a the wrong way and my night went downhill from there. I told someone off and I don't regret it at all.


Some people just don't deserve the hearts of others. Unfortunate but true. They take too many people for granted. Especially those that truly love them.

I slept through most of December 25th, waking up at 3 in the afternoon. Breakfast at 4. Spoke to T for a while, trying to make things better.. sigh* some people make everything so difficult. . I wish I could save him.

But we're on speaking terms now =]. He's content, I'm content, but someone's still upset with me. Haven't run into THAT person for the day yet. hm... I wonder what it'll be like. We'll see .!

What's really strange about this Christmas is that I barely listened to any carols. I sang so many while putting up the tree but after that, nothing really happened.. There were no presents - none wrapped under the tree anyway. I didn't really do any shopping. The 25th just sprung itself upon me. But I guess I can try to change that next year right?

I hope this isn't what a Neü Christmas is like.

Happy Birthday 

Jesus. 

We Love you.

I was so hyped up about finally being home again. I really didn't want to spend too much time in the house doing nothing, but at the moment, that's all I want to do.. In the past 3 months, I've gained so much weight; it's ridiculous.

This is what I see.
The only difference is I'm not
thin like the actual girl
in this image.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to look in the mirror because all I see is FAT. I had lost so much weight before I headed out and all of that hard work just went down the drain. All I have to do is get up and workout but I'm too depressed to even do that. I just want to stay locked up in my room and not be seen.. but I guess that won't get me anywhere...

As soon as my brother's done with the living room I'm going to put on my favourite workout video and SwEat. Sweating is so easy to do in this place.

Working out in Canada isn't much fun at all. The air is so cold even inside the gym. I'd be exercising and the cold air would feel like it's piercing my lungs. Not to mention I barely sweat. All that running and I'm barely getting rid of any water weight. So I'm going to try to get myself on the right track before I head back up there (I actually wrote 'home' the first time :S). It's going to be a lot colder when I get back and my body will want to cling to the fat so I'd stay warm.

Things don't look too bright right now.. Let's hope they change..

It's been LONG!! I know! I don't even want to know HOW long.. so I refuse to check the date of my last post. I'll just mention all the things I think I haven't told you guys yet.. All that I can remember anyway.

Exams are OVER.! And some grades are out already.. This semester really should have been my easiest... I'd think it should be. Things only get harder from here... They always do.. but still it took me ages to Hit the BOoks like a good university student... so there were a lot of late nights, even on the eve of the exam.. and some topics had to be rushed, and some concepts left unlearnt. Believe me, I am disappointed. My grades were good, but they weren't great..by that I mean all "A+'s". and I WANTED great. Even if I did score some A's, the fact that the little 'plus' sign isn't at the end of it makes me feel like I underachieved..

So I have a lot of adjusting to do next semester.. I couldn't concentrate as much as I wanted to when I needed to study.. Sometimes my room just wouldn't be quiet... Why not migrate to the dead silent library?.. I did, several times.. and only got things done on few occasions.. There's just nothing like the comfort of you own room i suppose.. even if it's just a dorm room.. but nonetheless this GPA of mine MUST get higher! So on this vacation of mine, I'll be studying. Don't get me wrong, I plan on having fun. A LOT of fun.. but I'll get my work done while on this little island of mine =p ! *Hint Hint* !

I gave QUITE a few people a scare when they saw me =D and I'm absolutely glad that happened. I got to make their Christmas THAT more special . No regrets there. And I'm  not done scaring yet . The surprise was ruined for some people though.. Still, they were glad to see me =] Likewise!
 I Love my Family, and my Friends ❤ 

  I Love my Home ❤

I'm glad I'm having both this Christmas

Our tree isn't up yet! So I had to put this one instead =p

I'm gonna have a Neü Christmas!

Finals are here!!

Well almost. They begin tomorrow. And for the following week and a half I will be sitting in examination rooms and racking my brain because I know I didn't study enough! We always wish that we had one more day, or that we did not waste the last 2 days laying in bed because we thought we'd have enough time to get everything done. Most of the student body is that way.



I admire the minute alumni population that actually has everything organized! It's not even that I go out and party so much, I just do nothing, because frankly I spend a quite a bit of time drifting off into my own world.. Things always seem better there so why not linger?


---> Look at this carefree fairy ..


I was hoping for All A's this semester but that's not gonna happen. I've already gotten a B in Calculus, and I don't see myself getting 90+ to bring that up to an A ! so.. I'm still gonna work my butt off.

Neu!