FINALLY IT"S THE END OF JUNE !!!

That Month that been filled with bad news upon AHH! IT's Finally ENDING!
I've never celebrated the end of a month before lol. SO this may be a bit stupid but oh well.
And well, June didn't disappoint me today! Since I am SICK!. Ugh. Guess baby J's leaving me with a cold ;p
Well whatever. That's all right. Maybe if I keep my chin up July will be a lot better.
I have a lot riding on this month.. and unfortunately, so many things could go wrong.. so many IMPORTANT things.. I really do hope they turn out okay..
SO I'll keep my fingers Crossed ! and hope that everything I'm looking forward to Happens and turns out FANTASTIC. !

I'm still trying to get my stuff for school in order.. OOhh Canada Canada Canada ! I can't wait to get there. I've gotten this far so PLEASE make everything turn out okay. Gotta work my butt off. Gotta start studying from NOW! Hm.! BE a little Nerd Again ^_^ Hehe.! SIgh. Well until then, GOodnight ! HOpefully i'll wake up without this cold ! and So LONg JUNE ! THough you did have your good times ! especially with Shashi!! <3.... But Damn JUne,YOu were SOmething ! <3

;)

Relationships are wonderful when they start out. They have that "New Car Smell". You never want to leave each others side and you can't wait until you see them again. They're the last thing you think about before you fall asleep and the first thing you think about when you wake up. You get that almost sickening feeling in you stomach, where it feels like your insides are being twisted up and you chest feels so much lighter, almost as if there's something missing in there. Blood rushes through your face and concentrate in you cheeks at the mere mention of their names. Everything seems so perfect like it will never end. Really and truly, it never has to. If things continue the way they are, you'll feel just as in love 50 years from now. Yet still, so many ''meant to be'' couples split up.

-People change. Maybe somewhere along the line, something happens and the love of your life begins to treat you differently... But why would they? As far as you're concerned, you're still the same person you were when you just met? So why don't they love you as much anymore? Maybe they're tired of you. Some people just can't stick to one thing for too long because they get bored of it; sick of singing the same old tune. So you get replaced by someone who brings a new form of excitement into their lives. So he stops whispering sweet things in you ear, and she stops leaving you those little notes, and they stop sending those ''i'm thinking about you''.. and you really do realize that things just aren't the same.. And sometimes, no matter how hard you try to get things back to the way they were, everything just continues to go downhill...

-People make mistakes. I've realized, that at the very moment that some sort of serious conflict arises in a relationship, that scars one or maybe even both partners because of something he or she did, EVERYTHING changes. Although they may decide to forgive the one who screwed up, things only get worse. The thing is, the wounds may get a bandaid placed over them, and they may be given time to heal, but the scars never fade and at every moment that the scar is seen, even for a second, those feelings of hurt and betrayal, and the memory of those bonds of trust that once tied you two so close together being broken come rushing back. It really is impossible to give someone your trust once more after they have already lost it. Trying to make things work after an incident like that may very well be pointless. Putting on that fake smile in an effort to forget what pierced your heart so deeply does more harm than good.

While it is heartbreaking that so many lovers split up, sometimes it's a GOOD thing...

ABUSE. Be if physical, or emotional, the moment that he/she starts to make me feel worthless and insignificant, it's time to ScaTTeR! No matter how much you care for them, or they claim to ''care about you'', if they really DID love you, they'd make you feel like the most important person in the world. I have a friend who's head over heels for her boyfriend, and sticks with him through thick and thin. She puts her HEAD in the fire for him because she believes in him THAT much. Whenever his temper gets in the way though, he starts to get verbal in a really nasty way. It Shocking ! The first time I heard something like that come out of his mouth my jaw dropped. And she didn't say anything. I really wanted to slap him at that point but getting physical won't really get us anywhere.. But I really feel it for her. After all he put her though, he really should be more appreciative. Truth be told, they're adorable when they're happy. But when things get to Swearing...

--END IT!---

I made mention earlier that one reason people close the book is because one of the partners change but it could also be the other way around. There are times when the person you fell in love with is trying to Change Who You Are. They literally tell you what you can and cannot do, and how you should act, and they try to change your entire character. In the end you aren't even the same person you were before. This is basically a form of rejection. It's basically saying, ''You're not good enough for me''. People may grow, and develop new interests, but generally, they remain the same person. The way I see it, if you can't love me for me, with all my flaws and kinks, then I"m not the one for you, and you're DeFinately NOT the one for me. So what should we do?

--END IT!--

Another reason for the break-up of relationships is IncOmPatiBility. Relationships begin because two people feel that they have a lot in common but as the years pass people grow, mature, and develop different interests which often cause them to grow apart. A lot of these relationships may be the ''rebounds''. Where you just get out of a really serious relationship and you fall for the first person that sweeps you off your feet. Eventually, the only thing left to do, since it was only infatuation, is to basically END IT.

 

So many failed relationships 

leave you heart and soul 

a broken mess 

which makes us reluctant to give it out again.

Some people find it better to just play around or forget about commitment entirely and just stay single, I love the feeling of knowing that there's someone who cares about me, who's willing to do whatever it takes to make me feel like okay because I"m ''the one'' for them.. So even after all the scumbags and jerks and dogs and pathetic losers that I've come across, I still believe that there's ONE person out there who has the key to my heart, and who'll also give me the key to theirs..

Life's about taking chances... If we went through life on the safe side, without any risks, 

it would be so boring, and uneventful. It IS okay to look before we leap, because we never really know the outcome to things.. But sometimes, it's okay to jump and take life as it comes... 

because if we didn't, we'd never learn anything Neu.. ღ

   My days have changed now. I'm now fit in Workouts. It's only been a little over a week though, but I'm seeing progress.. Slow Slow progress but it'll speed up. I'm trying to make my work outs more intense, and changing my diet; less sugar [No Sodas (y) which IS unfortunate because I've developed this LOVE for Coca Cola ! Half Frozen. It goes well with EVERYTHING! NO Exaggeration! I think bf got me hooked on it. It's like his baby :/ ] more fruits, veges, and MOre water [It used to be really difficult for me to down an entire glass :S I have no idea why. But I can drink two back-to-back now], no fast food and all that Jive you know? So I stumbled upon a routine so I thought I might as well share it.

1) Cardio-Vascular Exercise

Losing love handles (stored fat) and increasing the metabolism so you can lose weight more effectively are all tied into a consistent cardiovascular / resistance training program. The stored fat around your mid-section (for men) is typically the last to leave your body even after months or years of an exercise plan.  It is difficult to lose those last few pounds.  For women, the last few pounds of fat is typically stored in the hips / buttocks / thigh region.
Whether you are a man or woman, you should do 20-45 minutes of activities like walking, running, biking, or swimming daily 4-5 times per week, but also mix in 2-3 times a week of basic calisthenics like pushups, bench dips, squats and lunges. It takes a few weeks before you start to see the physical benefits or your diet and exercise program. You will see almost immediate results in your energy level, overall mental alertness when exercising daily. The sample routine below will help you better organize exercise into your week:

Monday & Thursday
- Upperbody Program
- Warmup 5:00 / stretch

Repeat 5-10 times
- Pushups - 10-20
- Regular Crunches - 20
- Bench dips - 10-20
- Reverse Crunches - 20
- Stretch abs/lowerback

Cardio option 20-30:00
Run, bike, walk, swim etc

Tuesday & Friday
- Legs and Love Handles

Repeat 4-5 times
- Walk, bike or jog 5:00
- Stretch legs
- Squats - 20
- Lunges 10 / leg
- Left crunches - 25
- Right crunches - 25
- Hip rollers - 10/side
- Stretch abs / lowerback
Cooldown walk or bike
5:00 / stretch

Wednesday
LONG Cardio Day

- 45-60 minutes of walking, running or combination of the two
- Or biking, swimming, elliptical gliding machines

Advanced Crunch - (Legs up)

Lie on your back with your feet straight in the air. Keep your legs straight up in the air for the advanced crunches. Cross your hands over your chest and bring your elbows to your knees by flexing your stomach. 

Reverse Crunch

In the same position as the regular crunch, lift your knees and butt toward your elbows. Leave your head and upper body flat on the ground.

Right Elbow to Left Knee

Cross your left leg over your right leg. Flex your stomach and twist to bring your right elbow to your left knee.

Left Elbow to Right Knee

Same as above just switch sides. Cross your right leg over your leg. Flex your stomach and twist to bring your left elbow to your right knee.

Hip Rollers

This exercise will help you build your abs, back and hips to help with long ocean swims and balance out the hip flexors exercises. Twist to both sides keeping your shoulders on the floor and stay in the bent knee position when rotating left and right.

*Note - Anytime you work yours abs, you should also exercise your lower back to build balance in your torso

And he's a pretty simple diet plan

Healthy Diet

The most important factor in acquiring washboard abs is eating a healthy diet. Here is a list of recommended healthy ways to help you lose a few inches:

- Drink at least three liters of water per day (100 oz)
 

- Eat five servings of vegetables and fruits per day
 

- LIMIT fried foods and cheese
 

- LIMIT processed sugar (for example: sodas, cookies, candy)
 

- Eliminate fatty red meat - only lean red meats (1-2 times weekly)



It's simple enough to follow. So if I follow through with this the summer should look pretty BriGht !

=] Summer Bod Here I Come ! Lol. or at least anything between THAT and what I have now =]. Maybe I Could snag that bathing suit in the process ! hehe

  

It's been raining a lot lately. It's creating a bit of a depressing atmosphere.. To add to that, I've been really emotional lately :/ . Not sure why.. Just today I was watching re-runs of Desperate Housewives and I teared in almost every scene..

Went to a gathering for my friend's birthday last night. It was pretty fun ! Got really excited when I got to see all my friends ! It's summer and I barely get to see them ! It's really nerve wrecking because I'm heading off to school soon but hopefully things will change... but I'm straying here.. Even though I WAS all excited to see them, I went from =D to =[ in a few seconds, and I have no idea why... I had nothing terrible on my mind then.. But I guess it's my subconscious.. I have so many things bothering me right now that I really Can'T deal with... Most of which has to do with Him.. Things seem so different now.. I think we're growing apart.. I've asked him about it but he said that's not what it is.. Maybe it's just in my head? or maybe HE's in denial.. In addition to the growing emotional separation, soon enough we'll be separated physically as well.. since I'm moving away from school... I'm trying to spend as much time with him as I can but something always comes up... either he's busy or this or that and This WEAtHEr ! Ugh ! Diminishes my chances of any visits !

and Beach Time !!!!!!  Truth is I LOVE going to the beach when it rains but my parents won't let me :/ Go Figure . Oh well, guess I'll try to make the most of the time that i DO have home. Studying never hurt anyone either so I'll be doing that =]

See! right there, i went from =[ to =] ! . Maybe my mood is altered by what I watch. There was a pretty happy scene on Desperate AND I'm talking to my Brother online. <3 Miss Him ! I'll see him soon enough !

So what's Next? Hopefully it'll have something to do with lots of Smiles ! =D

I've made so many mistakes in my life

And I just can't seem to stop making them...

They all cut so much deeper than a knife

Causing wounds that never seem to mend...

Most days I wish that I could travel back in time

And undo everything that has gone wrong...

Or just restart this life of mine

That I've been regretting for so long...

Nothing seems okay anymore

Nothing seems to go my way...

From all the struggles, my body has become sore

It's become scarred and it's become frail...

All the failures are piling up on me

All the let downs have begun to drain my soul...

I'm no longer the Bubbly girl I used to be

As my Heart is quickly becoming cold...

I've Tried to turn things around
I've tried to keep my head up high...
But more misfortunes encourage my frown
And greatly diminish my will to strive...

This feeling is taking me nowhere
It brings me nothing but despair...
It's becoming too much for me to bear
To get rid of it is my only Prayer...

You were my steel support,
You were my iron beams...
But you so easily forgot
All what you meant to me...

You left me hopeless in the dark

You left me scared and on my own...

You said you're never coming back

Our Love you've non-mercilessly thrown...

Regardless of all the ache

And the heart you decided to break...

My trust, my soul, I've let you take

You, my Love, are my favourite mistake...

My brother left for the US today. He's only going to be up there for the summer. Normally I wouldn't mind this; he'd be home in 2-3 months ! ... but it's different this time.. I'll be meeting him in NY in august, but only for two weeks.. after that it's off to school for me.. I was so sad when he left. I hugged him and he kissed me on my cheek.. He got into the van with my dad and I stood in the doorway waving as they drove away.. One of my besties was in the living room.. I laid on the chair and cried my eyes out... but he's so awkward he didn't know what to do ! lol. i was tempted to laugh but I just couldn't overcome this wave of sadness that kept rushing over me. After a few minutes I stopped.. but sigh* I began crying again. I'm such a baby =[. I've cried every time he left for University, even though he'd only be gone for about 3 months or so. Guess I'm that emotional.. A whole bunch of things kept reminding me of him; his dirty plate on the stove, his keys on the kitchen counter, my iPod that he'd basically taken possession of since he's been here.!. Using it to supply his sound system. That boy is OBSESSED with his car ! and with good reason. It's sexy Lol. To an extent... Lol. But he's put alot of work into it so.. (y)

About 10 minutes after he left home, when I'd finally stop crying, I walked into the kitchen and heard someone YELL his name from outside. Funny isn't it? Lol. Lucky for me, though not really, I wasn't going crazy. Someone really WAS there. "he left," i said. I could feel my eyes swollen from all the tears [[baby]]..sigh* the guy even gave me some sort of sympathetic look. His voice went quiet too. He just said Ok and walked back into his car. They were even playing this song that my brother constantly listens to.! I swear it just gets better and better. Damn Neu ! . It's like his presence was everywhere. So obviously, i broke down again.! lol. I need to thank Bb for the hugs and head strokes. Made me feel a lot better..

Later on in the day, I picked up my iPod and made my way to my room. My little Baby Blueee .! i searched through some of Apple's Gela Skins today. I Found ON !!. it's so Beautiful !. They all are but this one stood out, and it's only $14.95.! ORDER!. They're scratch resistant and I'm really tired of seeing all those scratches on her. So soon, hopefully, she'll be properly protected from the harsh environment and careless neglect which MAY or MAY NOT be entirely my fault. I try my best to keep her in the best condition, as I do everything that i Love ღ.. anyways i'm straying. I went through my Favourite playlists, and I realized that I have no new music !. So i went on searching and I found some really amazing artists! Let it be known that i Love Music. =] Life would be so empty without it.

First artist I can across was Falling Up. . They released their album Captiva in October 2007. I'm three years Late !!!! oh well. Better late than never right?? They sound a little like Simple Plan to me.. I won't say that i love ALL their songs but my favourite one so far is Hotel Aquarium. Click on the Link for a listen.!:

~ Falling Up - Hotel Aquarium

They have 6 albums out, the LAST was released in early '09. It's sad that the band broke up in January of this year ! =[ . Damn...

NExt Amazing Artist!

''Lights'' ! She's a Canadian Electro-Pop artist.. changed her name from Valerie Anne Poxleitner to Lights Valerie Poxleitner. Would never expect a name like Quite like that but i Love it ! At first listen, she kind of sounded like Britney Spears ..then Hilary Duff.. :S.. but now she's Lights to me =]. I already went through her entire album ''The Listening'' and i really DO love Every Song on there.! =] Oh how I LOve my Canadian Singers. !

Her music is so liberating. Luckily for this one I'm only a few months late =]. Atleast she's something I can take with me through the Upcomings...

Took me forever to find a playlist.. didn't wanna post links to only ONe song because it was too hard to choose !

So here it is!: ''Lights - The Listening!!!''



My Final ''Neu'' Artist for the day is John Mayer. Heart Warfare, the first song on his Fourth Album: Battle Studies hit home =]. i Love that song ! It's already in my list of *Faves* .

Here's the link to it .... Heart Warfare - John Mayer

It really does seem that things refuse to stay on one side of the balance for me. Whenever something good happens, something negative comes along just because life doesn't like my scale to be tipping.

University was one of my highest hopes for this year. I'm finally getting everything worked out ! Finally Excited about it all! .. Only to find out that one of my closest friends, that I've known since kindergarten, who was supposed to be going through this with me can't attend this school anymore.. We'd done everything from picking the same residence building to choosing the same classes. We were in this together ! Now things aren't going the way he planned ='[. I can't really celebrate my ''victories'' because of all his suffering. Life up there would have really been easier with him there, and it doesn't seem like things are going to turn around on that topic anytime soon..

Guess this ''Neu'' adventure of mine really will be ''All Mine''. I would have loved to share it with him. I have to grow up so much faster now.. and although I'll be in a school with over 20000 students, I'll still feel like I'm alone.. Away from all my family.. away from all my friends... Thank Goodness for the Internet.. and MAGICJACK ! Though that has SO many issues on it's own ! It keeps cutting off on me lol.

Sigh*

Well this is Neu ''Taking Life As It Comes... And Writing It Down In The Process'' .. The Good AND the Bad.

Everyone's all hyped up on sports lately. You should see my Facebook Home Page ! -Celtics-Lakers-Celtics-Lakers-Celtics-Lakers-Celtics-Lakers-Celtics-Lakers- it's like OH my GOodNEss STOP !. They really should have a page dedicated to them so they can holler at each other. And if that isn't enough they're arguing over football too. But so long as no one takes it out of hand, a little competition never hurt anyone. It encourages sportsmanship.

I'm watching the first game of the season right now Game 6 Lol. I'm late, i know. It's been fun so far. A part of me really loves sports and i do wish that I could play at least one on some sort of semi-professional level.

The Lakers don't have a par performance today. ! That's good. I've decided to take them up as my team, not because they've won several matches before, but because they're the team my mom's always been backing since she was a kid. That's still not a really good reason but lol. oh well. Funny thing though is that my great grandfather is Irish, so it somehow feels like i'm betraying the Celtics and their lil Leprechaun Lol.

I'm looking forward to the end of this match !. First Quarter Done! Let's see what's gonna happen next !

 Lakers Won the Game !. So now it's all tied.. 3-3 . I must say I was very disappointed in how the LA Lakers played in the last minute. They would barely pass the ball. It may be true that the other time have absolutely no chance of winning at this point but that's no reason to let the game end that way; hogging the ball and what not. As of that action, all the praise and acknowledgment that I would have awarded them..

NEvertheLess !!

The final match should be nothing less than Spectacular. Lots of breaths being held, lots of seats being left behind. May the BEst or the LUckiest Team Win !

It's been raining quite a bit the past two days.. It came as a big surprise to me seeing as the last few days [or what actually seemed like WeEks !] made me feel like i was marinating in my internal fluids.!. I prefer it to all the SunShine that everyone seems to crave.. I'm not pessimistic or anything.. I'm actually quite bubbly, so this preference in weather conditions really contrasts to my personality. The thing is, I find rainfall soothing. I like feeling mellow... but mostly, it's because it fits my mood perfectly. When I'm feeling all lovey dovey and content <3 , when there's some excitement,! and let's face it, it's FUn trying to avoid all the raindrops lol.. but so what if it messes up my hair :p ! When I'm out in the rain, I feel like my inner child is being set free, even if it's just for a moment.. but most of all, the rain comforts me when I'm in my most depressing moods.. I'm in those a lot, though no one really notices.. I'm glad that I'm good at hiding that emotion.. Most times i just shove it aside, even though I feel like there's a hole in my stomach.. After a while of PreTending, it goes away.. but only for a moment though.. It never really goes away.. I'm terrible at letting things go.. My scars take a long time to fade.. I was betrayed by on of my closest friends over a year ago, and it really did take me about 14 months before I could really let it go.. I'd always remember what she did whenever I say her.. The things between the two of us were never the same after that day... We used to be so close, and now we barely speak... Just when things were getting good though, she betrayed me again.!. SIgh*.. I guess some things just can't be controlled.. But I don't blame her. She never intended to hurt me, and everyone does something they shouldn't really do.. But that's life right? .

One thing that goes perfect with this type of weather is Rock. Bands like Evanescence and Breaking Benjamin just take me to a place where everything feels fine; where it feels okay to be upset, it's okay to feel like you don't belong, it's okay to hate, it's okay to cry... I stopped listening to a lot of that kind of music for quite some time.. Maybe it was because my life was heading in a different direction.. Thing were better.. and i was happier.. Not now though.. So many things have gotten to me lately. I honestly cannot say that I love my life right now.. i barely even like it. It just feels like everything is going the exact opposite of the way I want it to, and I have more of those moments where I just want to give up on life..

I had this summer all planned out. Spending as much time as I can with my friends since I'm leaving for university this fall.. I keep getting news that mess everything up. One of my closest isn't coming down till after I've gone, and she's leaving before I come back.. Was supposed to tag team with another doing a ton of Crazy Shit Lol. and i MEAN CraZy ! Lol. .. . but she may be working for the summer... sigh*. On top of that...''RelaTionsHip'' .. it's ANything BUt what it used to be.. everything's headed for the worse.. I blame it on the month of June.. That's basically when everything started to hit me.. And the month's Only Started !. . sigh.. If June's really the month of the worsts i hope it gets over and done with soon.. I can't even look forward to my exams being done tomorrow.. You'd think I would, it being my 8th Month Ani. with ''Him'' .. but.. sigh... as i said... things aren't the same.. so wOoHoO !. =[.

Maybe I should sing this song instead..?

Rain - Breaking Benjamin

Maybe...

Oh well.. it's back to Chem for Me..

xXx ..~Neu~.. xXx