Rain, Rain... Stay

It's been raining quite a bit the past two days.. It came as a big surprise to me seeing as the last few days [or what actually seemed like WeEks !] made me feel like i was marinating in my internal fluids.!. I prefer it to all the SunShine that everyone seems to crave.. I'm not pessimistic or anything.. I'm actually quite bubbly, so this preference in weather conditions really contrasts to my personality. The thing is, I find rainfall soothing. I like feeling mellow... but mostly, it's because it fits my mood perfectly. When I'm feeling all lovey dovey and content <3 , when there's some excitement,! and let's face it, it's FUn trying to avoid all the raindrops lol.. but so what if it messes up my hair :p ! When I'm out in the rain, I feel like my inner child is being set free, even if it's just for a moment.. but most of all, the rain comforts me when I'm in my most depressing moods.. I'm in those a lot, though no one really notices.. I'm glad that I'm good at hiding that emotion.. Most times i just shove it aside, even though I feel like there's a hole in my stomach.. After a while of PreTending, it goes away.. but only for a moment though.. It never really goes away.. I'm terrible at letting things go.. My scars take a long time to fade.. I was betrayed by on of my closest friends over a year ago, and it really did take me about 14 months before I could really let it go.. I'd always remember what she did whenever I say her.. The things between the two of us were never the same after that day... We used to be so close, and now we barely speak... Just when things were getting good though, she betrayed me again.!. SIgh*.. I guess some things just can't be controlled.. But I don't blame her. She never intended to hurt me, and everyone does something they shouldn't really do.. But that's life right? .

One thing that goes perfect with this type of weather is Rock. Bands like Evanescence and Breaking Benjamin just take me to a place where everything feels fine; where it feels okay to be upset, it's okay to feel like you don't belong, it's okay to hate, it's okay to cry... I stopped listening to a lot of that kind of music for quite some time.. Maybe it was because my life was heading in a different direction.. Thing were better.. and i was happier.. Not now though.. So many things have gotten to me lately. I honestly cannot say that I love my life right now.. i barely even like it. It just feels like everything is going the exact opposite of the way I want it to, and I have more of those moments where I just want to give up on life..

I had this summer all planned out. Spending as much time as I can with my friends since I'm leaving for university this fall.. I keep getting news that mess everything up. One of my closest isn't coming down till after I've gone, and she's leaving before I come back.. Was supposed to tag team with another doing a ton of Crazy Shit Lol. and i MEAN CraZy ! Lol. .. . but she may be working for the summer... sigh*. On top of that...''RelaTionsHip'' .. it's ANything BUt what it used to be.. everything's headed for the worse.. I blame it on the month of June.. That's basically when everything started to hit me.. And the month's Only Started !. . sigh.. If June's really the month of the worsts i hope it gets over and done with soon.. I can't even look forward to my exams being done tomorrow.. You'd think I would, it being my 8th Month Ani. with ''Him'' .. but.. sigh... as i said... things aren't the same.. so wOoHoO !. =[.

Maybe I should sing this song instead..?

Rain - Breaking Benjamin

Maybe...

Oh well.. it's back to Chem for Me..

xXx ..~Neu~.. xXx