I haven't been myself lately and I'm not entirely sure why. There are so many things that I enjoy doing, and so many people that I enjoy speaking to but I haven't been giving them myself for the past few days. It's like I've been building walls around myself. Are they permanent though? ..I hope not.. My emotions about everything are changing for the worse. I'm beginning to feel indifferent about so many things. It's like my heart is becoming as hollow as the shell that I've trapped myself in, or it's been set on a ship that's sailed away for the moment.. Even blogging doesn't seem to bring me back to life. So I much apologize to those that have only been getting a piece of me over the past few days..


Maybe it's because of recent events... Friends are being torn apart, be it geographically or not.. Relationships that have existed the entire year are suddenly ending. And as of this afternoon he'll be 5 hours ahead of me.. sigh* I really do hope he makes it back before I leave for school.. I won't enjoy going to the airport tomorrow. Knowing the type of person I am I'll be crying so much that my eyes will want to pop out of their sockets :| . Exaggeration? No. I'm THAT pathetic when it comes to things like this... Still, I have this feeling that if I constantly tell myself that it won't affect me, and that I don't really care, I'll be indifferent about that too.. It's worked so far. But maybe this habit I've developed of constantly lying to myself about the way I feel is what's turning me into such an emotionless being.. Don't get me wrong.. I still care about people, and about things. I'm not heartless. I don't think I'll ever turn out that way.. But at this moment, I should be sad. I should be crying.. but I just feel.. emtpy..

Even my head has begun to bother me again.. It's not a pain but what i feel is indescribable. But it's difficult for me to smile when this is happening and I get really irritable. I really dislike feeling that way. I think it's acting up because lately this vulture has been trying to devour everything that I've worked for the past year. It took such a toll on me at the beginning, mostly because I hadn't expected something like That to happen, and certainly not to such a great extent.! .Our battle was tiring and frankly, it was ridiculous and it seemed pointless on my part. Battling would only take up my time and might even drain me. I'm genuinely a bubbly person, so it really isn't my style to point out flaws in other persons and pick at them. So I decided to just let her be who she wanted to be. If she wanted to call me names, let her. If she wanted to make me look bad, let her. But I know that all the things she said were lies, and her constant bashing only made her look low and immature. I would gain nothing from fighting, and I'd lose nothing from sitting it out either. So I let her use all her efforts into trying to bring me down. Unfortunately for her, it was a waste. The only thing it did to me was make me lose my respect for her. She also lost the respect of others, though being who she is she may not even care. All in all her effects have become non-existent. The emotions I felt on that day have left me and I'm content with my life again. Or at least the part of it that she tried to ruin. But I still wish her the best.

I'm really grateful for all my friends who stood up for me. Even though I asked them not to, they refused to let me take all that heat. So, Shashi n Letta, I really do appreciate all you guys do for me. ! .

I really couldn't ask for more!

..Woah. I'm glad I got THIS much written down.. It isn't much but it was enough to make me feel better. =]. I guess this really IS therapy, which is why I'll be keeping this up. !

I've learnt that sometimes it's better to just sit back while someone's out parading negativity. Eventually it will all catch up to them and they'll realize how pointless what they're doing is and everyone else will realize how immature that person really is. So many things trigger emotions which unmask who we really are.. For some people, what's underneath may be something silent, vulnerable, noble, or just plain Ugly. The unfortunate thing is that even when that hidden inner unattractiveness is revealed, some persons are still blinded by the outer appearance. For some reason they choose to remain oblivious to it even when it's right in front of them.

Personality is supposed to capture the heart.. The type that captures yours, says a lot about who you really are...

We all hate that point in the relationship when everything isn't all Rainbows and Butterflies })i({... [[and these are two of my favorite things!]] .. But as unpleasant as this phase is, it helps to determine whether or not the relationship is really worth it. The amount of effort you put into your relationship at this point shows just how much you want things to work out, how much you want to be with your partner, and how much they mean to you.. and that's what's happening right now.

We've gotten to a point where we argue about stupid little things, and I DO tend to get pretty loud when that happens.. although I must admit I really hate it when that happens.. I'll need to stop it. He's so closed up when it comes to a lot of things. He doesn't smile as much as he used to so I know he's suppressing something. I encourage him to talk it out but he had barely done so until a few nights ago. Some of the things he had to say hurt a bit but I'm glad he finally came out with it.

So in an attmept to make him smile, we decided to spend his Birthday togetherrr. The Big TWO OH. 20 =].

The ride back home was even better than the ride Up. More laughs. More GAGA Lol. I love that woman. She's extreme. and she's labelled us all her little 'Monsters' so we feel like a part of something.. a Cult maybe?. Maybe not but you get the point. I like the contacts that she has in Bad Romance. My eyes are already pretty Big so I really want to know what iit'll be like. Probably scary Lol but I'll try it anyway.

The night ending on a bit of a sour note though. Sigh* Hate parents don't we? well in my case it's just a certain Male parent -_-'. But anyway, I just brushed him off because he's absolutely ridiculous. So I strolled into my room at about 1:45am and off to dreamland I went..

All in all it was a good day. =] . A really good one. I might not get much of these for a while.. so I'm taking advantage of what I have now. Going out on a limb, discovering new things..

Because life really isn't worth living if you never try anything Neu...

So... At 18 years and a couple months old.. I finally decided to get rid of those 1'' strands of hair on my legs. Everyone's ALWAYS been on my back for me to do it, which irritated the Hell out of me. I really didn't care what they thought. I still don't to tell you the truth. I was comfortable with the way I was.. with the way I AM sorry.. and that's all that matters. So I'm extremely content with the fact that I decided to do this on my own accord =] . Don't give in to Peer Pressure :p !!! I'm AgAInst Shaving. All those nicks and cuts I see people with, and not to mention the loss of moisture..at any rate, my legs would be prickly by the following day [the hair grows THAT quickly].. and any form of chemical hair removal. I justttt donnnnnnt Fancy them...


So on to That Fateful day...

My masseuse was rather ecstatic about the whole thing. Especially since I had ''Virgin Hair'' [Never Been Removed] . She even canceled her following appointment so she could take care of me. The entire thing took TWO hours. Although I didn't notice Lol. She's Hilarious ! She's not afraid to say whatever is on her mind. She sometimes blurts out random things and she also explains to you what she's doing and the reasons and benefits and what not, so it's a nice learning experience =].

She used some type of Espresso Wax, made from Coffee Beans in Columbia. Click For Reasons To Use Wax Made With Coffee Beans. She's in LOVE with it. With good reason I might add. Waxing really isn't as bad as people say it is. The Movies EXAGGERATE :| ! The wax WAS a bit hot at times, and a few times when she pulled off the strips. But she tries her best to make it as painless as she can.

I freaked out when she took out a pair of tweezers to get rid of the stubborn ones. Lol. She was like, ''What do you think I am? I'm a Professional!'' Lol. Damn right she is. So YEs! She Plucked out my Leg hair and it didn't hurt ONE Bit ! Afterward she oiled up my legs and I was off =]. Smelling of espressoooooooo. Which I really didn't mind. Even though I really hate the smell of coffee, I've come to enjoy the smell of that wax!

My legs really looked foreign to me. Even the Feel of it was extremely different. I think my legs were a bit numb after that waxing though. But three days later and they still don't feel like my own. But I'm getting used to it. They're smooth and rather pale.. I'm a lot more comfortable showing them off now but I'm a bit reluctant to expose them to too much sunlight... I like the Colour, even though it doesn't match the rest of my Body :/ . They'll be covered up for months afterward anyway. So Bring on the Tan.!

I got the chance to show them off the following day at this party that I've been looking forward to for MOnths. I even wore a little black dress and heels. And I'm the Jeans and a T-shirt type of girl so this really was Something. I enjoyed that night. Spent it with Shashi and a lot of my friends. It's one of our last outings before we all head off in different directions so it meant a lot to me.

I thought about putting a before picture but Lol.
I guess I'd rather Not Lol =]. hehe .
So here's the after one.



 

And in case you're wondering where this Neu Adventure toOk place, it was at 

Spa Aquarius! .  

I highly recommend this place to everyone ! I've gotten back massages from her and they're absolutely amazing. You come out of that place feeling rejuvenated. It's a little air conditioned place so it's nice and cozy, and she has this really soothing music playing that just takes you to that place you want to be... ! So if ever you want a nice Spa treatment; facials, massages, WAxIng !!! hehe. Then THIS is the Place to Go.

Soon enough I'll be ✈ 2,115 miles ✈ away from the one that holds my Heart ღ, into a cold and frost bitten country that might render my limbs numb and stiff... Hm.. Considering the fact that I miss him so much when I don't see him for 24 hours, it's going to be so hard not seeing his face for 4 whole Months...
My eyes tear up whenever I think about it and I have no idea whether or not I'll be able to handle this.
He's been through this before with one of his previous.. so he at least knows what he's in for...
He doesn't seem too excited about it.. Honestly, he isn't excited about it at ALL.. :| . But who would?..

Due to certain things that have happened in his past relationships, he's now putting the option of an Open Relationship on the table... Yipee.. -_-'' . I'm not too thrilled about that, but I do understand where he's coming from.. When he brought it up though, it made me feel like he didn't trust me, so that hurt.. But I suppose it's a way of protecting himself from getting hurt as well. So that's what's happening now! Frankly it doesn't change the way I feel about him or any other guy for that matter.
He's still my one and only and I'm still off limit to everyone else =P .

 ... But we've been through this So many times. I've even opted to asking other people about their LDR's.. so far, they're all terrible ! :| . It's a bit funny to tell you the truth.. Not ''haha'' funny, but more like a ''oh my goodness I don't believe this is happening'' type of funny.. I've been told that you have to put a lot of work into it.. Anyone else is free to put in their 2 cents..

With studies, and the new environment, and everything else that will be happening, I have no clue what life will be like.. I know for sure that I'll have to prioritize things, and have some sort of schedule.. I've never had a Schedule in my LIFE so this will be a bit irritating.. I brought up the idea of having video calls at night. Even if they're short, of even if we won't be speaking to each other because one or both of us might be busy working since we'll both be enrolled in a school at that point.. but he refuses to talk about any of it.. He's pessimistic about All of it. =[. He doesn't want to make any promises of what we'll be doing because he's doesn't believe that it will turn out that way.. It's making me LESS excited to go away.. Everything's harder now because of what he'd gone through in the past.

Kudos to those before me ! You just made my life Harder. Sigh*

But I'm still going to try my best. Work DOES come first of course. I really can't wait to get back at school. The competition will be exhilarating.
Cant wait to Buss My A+S to the power of 2 ! I lost that craving to always come out on top 2 years ago.. Worse 2 years of my life I must say..

So I'm putting those Neroy Glasses back On. It's about time I resume that craving to be my Absolute Best.

Even with all of that, I'll still try my best to make time to those who need it and to those who mean the most to me.. =]

Vivere Senza Rimpianti - Live Without Regrets

I came across that phrase as a tattoo on Hayden Panettiere's side. Ever since then it's Stuck with me. It's pointless going through life feeling sorry for past experiences; all the chances you missed, all the things you did that you can never take back... If you don't want to miss chances, then TAKE THEM. So what if you make a fool out of yourself, or if it turns out completely upside-down. At least you had the guts to try it. As for being sorrowful because of something you had done before, I say ''The Past Is The Past. You can't change it, but you can alter the future.'' So go ahead and try your best to make things the way you want them to be. Make life the way you want to live it.

.~Live The Life You Love And Love The Life You Live~.

Plain and Simple!..


                    Just Keep it Neu.. ˘˛˘

 

   Sometimes I really wonder whether we should have any expectations at all.. Should we really look forward to something and risk having our hopes crushed? I love the feeling of anticipation, I really do, but lately it seems that so many of the things I look towards are being flushed away before they even reach my doorstep, and the more this happens, the more it seems to make life Grim... But should I change my view on things knowing that I will eventually get tired of this constant disappointment? Those obstacles that pop up out of nowhere which I am in no way capable of getting over? There are only so many blows that a person can take, and although they may not all by Huge, all those little letdowns add up..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The One Good thing about all of this though? 

Every blunder has helped me to hold on even tighter to the things, 

and to the people that make me happy. 

They're what swipes off the frown on your faces and replaces it with a genuine smile. 

So I'm thankful for all the things and for all the people that make my life worth living; 

All those that have captured my Heart; 

All of those that help me be Me. 

ღ  Thanks For Family.. Thanks For True Friends ღ ...

... Thanks To All The Things That Make Me Neu..ღ